Charlie Hits the Big Time


Good eeeeeevening.

Thank you for joining us for the premiere episode of "The A-Mewsing Life of Charlie Cat." Some of you are familiar with my work; I've been posting my diary on Catster.com for some time now, and I'm running an advice column on their forums page, in order to share the vast and incomprehensible knowledge that's jam-packed in this little skull. Have no fear- I'm going to keep up with those ones. But now I've hit the big time; The Woman said that I've shown enough dedication to my craft that I deserve a REAL blog of my very own.

A Woo-Hoo!

[Charlie rolls on the floor, purring]


ME

For those of you who don't know me yet, here's the scoop (and not the litter box scoop, either. That scoop is crusty and gross): I'm about 5 years old, which The Woman says is "old enough to know better," but I say I'm a swingin' twenty-something in cat years, and I'm gonna live MY life the way I want to, and no old farts are gonna stop me! If that means catnip all night and sleeping all day, then that's how it's gonna be.

I'm a handsome Puss, and brilliant. And humble.

MY FAMILY

I live with The Woman, The Man, and their Baby. I get along pretty well with them. The Man and The Woman paid for my bail to get me out of the Burlington, ON kitty jail a few years ago, and for that I'm grateful... I keep reminding myself about that when they get on my nerves. About a year and a half ago The Woman started getting really fat (and running out of lap space- I think the two may be connected somehow), and then they got The Baby and The Woman got hippo-suction, or something. Anyway, she lost weight somehow after they got The Baby. The Baby's cool; he walks around on all fours like a decent animal, not like the other People. He likes to pet me, and that's just fine by me! The Woman is less cool, but we usually get along. She's very saucy and doesn't show me the respect I deserve, but she does my secretarial work, so it kind of evens out. I like The Man; he acts like he doesn't like me... I LOVE when People play hard to get!

Hmm, what else do you need to know about me before we get this thing started? I loves me catnip, b'y (that's the Newfie way of saying "I love my catnip") and my fishing rod with the feathers on it- so fun! I have to have special food so that it doesn't hurt when I pee- I'll tell THAT sad tale here one day, too. I require much love, and I don't understand why they won't just give it to me in the middle of the night when I yell instead of SHOOTING me with the WATER GUN!!! I like to eat baby food. I am declawed and pissed off about it. I hate car rides, the vet, and cages. I also hate other cats being in my yard- just BUG OFF ALREADY! I talk a lot.

I'm going to bed. That was exhausting.

Purrs!

-Charlie