Some random pictures of my wonderfulness.

You're welcome.

(And yes, I am aware that The Man had me in what he refers to as "a full nelson". I'll break him yet...)

OK, I know this isn't a great picture, but let me explain:

This morning Gus and I were engaged in the Rolling Ball of Hatred- continuing our epic yet occasional battle for feline supremacy. He generally has an advantage because he has claws, but today I got a mouthful of hair and ripped it out of the sucka. It was flying everywhere!

The Woman thought it was funny that I couldn't get the hair out of my mouth, though, and she took this picture to commemorate the occasion. See it? See my little Goatee of Victory? Remember this day, Friends of Charlie, when I came out of the RBOH victorious.

Eew... my mouth tastes like the chubby one. Sick.

Honey, I'm Hooooome!

Yes, I am back. The Woman finally got a new computer to replace the broken one, and I have so much to say. Many crazy, wonderful things have happened to me in these recent months... too bad I can't remember any of them.

Stinkin' Nip...

Alright, we'll just pretend those months didn't happen. On to today... actually, I slept all day today. Last night Gus and I tussled into the wee hours, and The Woman once again threatened to kill us. Actually, she threatened to kill us, have us "reesussitayted" and then kill us again. Jeez, she gets cranky when she's up in the middle of the night!

OK, here's something that's been happening: There are so many cats invading my yard. There's a mostly black fluffy thing, a grey and white scardey-cat, a grey fluffball, an orange-and-white that is not Gus, and the grey fluffball's ginger kitten. They're driving me bonkers! There's usually nokitty there, but I have to keep watching, jusat in case. The Man and The Woman call me paranoid; I say I'm observant. What was that?!! Oh... leaf. Never mind.

I gotta go.

Merry Christm-ass

Oh, by the way, here's your card- sorry The Woman was too "busy" to help me post it IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS...

love,
Charlie

It's About Darn Time, Woman...

Hooray! Look at me, I'm writing again! I'm so sick of The Woman's excuses: The Kid is teething and upset, I'm sleeping, Christmas is SOOO busy, I'm at work... Whatever! Just do my diary and this thingy, already. Yeesh. Get it through your head that I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS HOUSE, as every Cat should be.

Anyway, stuff is pretty good. Santa Claws didn't bring me prosthetic claws OR Ginsu knives, but quite frankly, I was way too stoned to care. I got this excellent 'nip-filled fish on a string... LOVE the fishie. We also got some jingly balls that Gus likes to carry around in his mouth, and it looks SO funny. Oh, and some treats from Chris and Jenny, which was cool. I knew they loved me.

Things were pretty crazy over Christmas. I have heard that other cats have to put up with having strange people in their houses- at least I only had familiar ones coming over here. Still, I got shot with water guns a LOT just for trying to eat the Christmas tree (plastic needles= YUM!). The wrapping paper was fun, though.

Other than that, you haven't missed much while The Woman was "too busy" to type for me. Several random freak-outs (just to keep the People on their toes), fights with Gus that have left tufts of hair floating around, but it's all in good fun... you know, the usual.

Oh, but last night was SO SCARY. I have NO idea what was going on, but I heard these big "BANG!" noises outside that made my hair stand up and my ears go flat. I crept up on the back of the chair so I could peek out the window, and there were these lights all over the sky, like they were exploding out of nowhere. Man, was I FREAKED! I think I was frozen there watching them, until The Woman came over and got me. I thought the world was ending... she tried to comfort me, and she took me to bed. That was a little better, since I couldn't see the lights, but there were still a lot of scary noises outside! I decided not to get up in the bedroom window to look outside; I just sat straight up on the end of the bed until it was over, and then I fell asleep. Gus, of course, hardly noticed that there was anything going on. He's the laziest guy I have EVER met- who the heck is too lazy to be FRIGHTENED?!!

So that's all for now. Meowy Christmas to all, and a 'Nippy New Year.

Behind Again

Once again, The Woman has been neglecting her secretarial duties. As a result, I can't even REMEMBER all the things I was going to write about. I'm a very busy Puss, and I can't be expected to keep track of every one of my adventures without regular blog entries. It's ridiculous. She is SO fired... as soon as I find a replacement.

Here's what's up: I've been sick. I'm feeling better now, but for a few days I was pretty miserable. It was just the same stupid thing again; it hurt when I peed, I always felt like I needed to go, and there was even a little blood in it. Eeew! I got in trouble for peeing on the bed, but I swear- I couldn't help it! That was before The People knew I was sick... I hope they feel TERRIBLE about being mad at the Poor, Poor Puss. Anyway, aside from sleeping a lot (as in even more than I normally do) and occasionally peeing outide the box, not much happened those few days. Not so exciting, right? But before THAT...

So much happened. First, The People moved all of the furniture in the living room around. They put a chair outside, and put the other one in The Kid's room, and they moved my throne to the kitchen. THEN they brought in a new chair and a couch! It smelled weird, not at all like our old stuff. It's great, though- I love evenings when The Man and The Woman are on the couch, and there's still room for MEEEE! Of course, Gus and I have had some scuffles over who gets to lie on the furniture, but we're cool now... most of the time.

As if that wasn't enough, The People also moved our bedroom stuff around the very next day. This was to make room for a FREAKIN' TREE that they put in the corner, and then they put lights and shiny things all over it. I vaguely remember having something like this in previous years... I think there's a picture somewhere. Anyway, I LOVE it! This thing is not only awesome to sleep under (and yes, Gus and I fight over that, too), but it tastes excellent. The Woman keeps shooing me away from it and going "PSSSST! PSSSSSSST!" when I try to eat it (which I HATE), though, so I leave it alone mostly.

One night I knocked the tree over. I didn't mean to- it was an accident! Nothing got smashed or anything, so I don't know why The People were mad. They just had to put it back up and put the "decorations" back on... and they're still trying to figure out why some of the lights won't light up... but other than that, it's just FINE.

The tree is now attached to the wall with dental floss and a thumbtack. Real classy, Folks. Reeeeal classy.

P.U. Puss

Eeeew. I made a BIG stink. Again. The Man is going to come out of the bedroom when he wakes up and be like, "Awww, Charlie! Why do you stink, you Smelly Cat?" And I'll be like, "Dude! It's your turn to clean out the Crappe Chateau. Just do it, man!"

I'd try to blame it on Gus- he's got some stinky poops, too- but I always give myself away. See, the People always know when I've made a poop even before they smell it because I FREAK OUT. I can't help it! I take off from the door of the Crappe Chateau and run all over the house, yowling and bouncing off whatever walls I run into. This morning I tried to run straight to the window ledge in the bedroom. I would've made it too, except that the door was closed. Owwww...

The Man's theory is that I'm fleeing the scene of the stink so it doesn't kill me. I say not so... but I don't actually know why I freak out. I also don't know why he complains about it. At least he gets a warning about what's coming, and he has time to get the hissssssss-y spray thing out that makes the air to have a different stink that isn't my stink.

Oops- here it comes now. Gotta go!

*MROWL!!!*

An Open Letter to Santa

Dear Santa;

The Woman says I am not allowed to write a letter to you and put it in the mail. She says there are limits to what she'll do within the scope of her secretarial duties, and letters to Santa from cats are not included in her job description. My blog, however, is one of her duties, so I got her to help me with my letter here. Aren't I a clever Puss, Santa?

Santa, I have been such a good boy this year. Much has been asked of me; I had to change houses again, and it was scary, but I didn't complain. The Baby has become more Person-like. last Christmas he was just a lump that lay on the floor and smelled bad sometimes; now he can chase me around, rub my belly and sometimes pull my hair. I am always nice to him, though. OK, I have yelled a few times when I was in a bad mood anyway, but come on... you can't tell me you never get upset when the elves tug your beard!

I have also recently been asked to endure the indignity of having another cat introduced to my household. He is a big fluffy thing, and he has CLAWS. When we tussle it is not a fair fight, but I have been a very good cat, and I have forgiven The People for doing this to me.

Santa, I don't ask for much. Just a few token gifts to let me know that my efforts to be a Very Good Puss have not gone unnoticed. When you come to leave presents for The Baby, please bring me:

- some treats that I do not have to share with Gus (the aforementioned big fluffy thing). I ALWAYS have to share with him.

- Catnip. For some reason I have been cut off... this may have something to do with my erratic behaviour when I am on the 'nip. That, or the fact that The Woman thinks I am losing brain cells and my remembory, and becoming a Catnip Burnout. Whatever.

- Prosthetic Claws. Gus has very sharp claws. We don't fight much anymore, but when we do, it's just not fair. The Woman has clipped his claws, and that helps a little, but I think the only way to really even things up is to have you bring me some claws of my own. (A set of Ginsu knives would be just as good.)

- A new Crappe Chateau. I am currently sharing with the New Guy, and it's gross. It's getting cleaned more than it used to, but still! Please bring one with a lid, a privacy door, and one of those curvy red velour couches they have in fancy ladies' rooms. That looks cozy!

- Catnip. For some reason I have been cut off... this may have something to do with my erratic behaviour when I am on the 'nip. That, or the fact that The Woman thinks I am losing brain cells and my remembory, and becoming a Catnip burnout. Whatever. (So not true!)

See, Santa? I don't ask for much. Yes, there are other things I'd like... a trip outside with no leash on, a large safe to drop on Gus, my own boudoir... but these are things I can do without (for now). I'm not a greedy Puss, after all. Please bring me these things, and I promise I won't pee in your milk. I mean drink your milk. Yeah, drink...

your friend,

Charlie